Is Lip Balm Gay?

One of the quirks about being a foreigner in the United States (I am Canadian) is the things that people ask you to bring back for them when I return from my vacation. I get all kinds of requests ranging from MacKintosh's toffee to medications, etc. This last time I had the strangest request of them all.

I was most recently in Canada for a neck surgery that essentially left me home/couch bound for about three weeks. Just before I left, a friend of mine named Mark had asked me if I could bring him back a bunch of Labello lip balms (a bunch being ten.) I have never heard of the stuff before, but he assured me that it was "the bomb" and that it was not available in the United States.

This left me in a predicament. I had no way of personally getting him the stuff because I was home bound and I was leaving for Chicago the next morning. So without any other options, I had to ask my father to go pick up a bunch of Labello lip balm for my friend Mark. Obviously at this point, I realized that I just should have told him her name was Susan and that would have been the end of it. Instead, it turned into a defensive discussion about how I was not gay and that I had no idea why a man would want this stuff. He asked me if Mark's lips were not soft and I had no good answer.

So when I got back home, I insisted on a pretty damn good explanation about why he needed this shit because now my father thinks I am gay. As it turns out, he explained to me, if you ever pick off a nasty dry part of your lip and you remove too much of it (to the point where it bleeds), you will forever need this stuff because your lip will be dry in that part forever. Fair enough I guess. But I still think Mark might be gay (and lip balm probably is.)